Yesterday, I experienced an enormous sense of loss and this morning I am still enveloped in sadness. I was in the car listening to a podcast about immigrant stories and I wondered, how the process was for my parents. Being Puerto Rican they freely flew into the United States, but how did they feel, being so very poor, getting on a plane for the first time, traveling to a place so far away and so different from rural Puerto Rico, with big buildings, a subway system and a different language to learn?
I could ask my aunts what they felt, but my mom and my grandmother were different from the rest of my aunts. They were brave, they took risks, they were fighters. Plus even if you are traveling in the same plane at the same time, your travel experience is very different than everyone else’s.
Then I went on to wonder how exactly did my parents meet. They were both full of stories, and talked often, and I remember vague details of how they met but I want all the details, and I want them now. I am overwhelmed by this enormous sense of loss. It’s a mix of a cultural loss, given that I too moved to the United States as an adult after being raised in Puerto Rico, but also a personal loss, because I love hearing stories.
My grandmother loved telling stories, I have a couple recorded. But they are not enough, because as I grow older I have different questions. When I was young I wanted to know certain things and that is what I asked. But as a mother of 3 rapidly growing daughters I want to know more. There is so much that photos do not tell me.
I am hoping to be interview some family members, to collect some stories from my parents and grandparents.
It is nice to know that there is a community of people reading my stories and following this process with me. It gives me immense relief to have a place to bring my thoughts and share things that have helped me wrap my head around the concept of loss. It is terrible to feel alone when in grief. You are there, I am here, but there is no need to feel alone. If you like what you are reading, please click “Like” below. Do you have a friend in grief? consider sharing this site. If you want to chat, leave a comment. Let’s share a virtual hug.